Old Fashioned BOOKS Kick ASS!

What is that you say? You must have a PERFECTLY BRAND NEW book or even one of those KINDLE electronic things? Get out of town! A lending library was good enough for Jack London, John Steinbeck and Ernest Hemingway I think it is good enough for you! Yah you! At the SUPER LOW prices to be found at www.abe.com and eBay you simply can't afford to be buying lame ass electronic books that you can't even take into the tub or underline words you need to look up! "Oh but I can HIGHLIGHT things." You say? BOOKS MADE OUT OF PAPER have it ALL over the electronic ones and I will tell you why -- in ADDITION to being able to SAFELY take a REAL book into the tub AND not having to worry in a rainstorm that your entire collection could be lost if you dropped the damn thing in a lake or stream, you can selectively HAND a REAL book to other people to read (OH MY GOD YES!) and you can even RIP yes TEAR pages out of these books (because the prices are so low) and either a. Create poster art with them or b. Add random pages to a scrap book or c. AVOID getting more cancer causing electromagnetic radiation than you are already being over exposed from your computer/ cell phone/ iPod/ or television!

READ A REAL BOOK BY REAL WRITERS THAT WAS REALLY PUBLISHED
AND YOU WILL BE A "REAL" BETTER MAN OR WOMAN!

P.S. REAL world books are also far more useful if caught in a rural outhouse sans corncobs if I may also somewhat crassly note. Also they may be lit on fire for warmth or light.

The San Francisco Police are THE BEST IN THE WORLD!

I am not kidding here. When you need them. They are there. They are professional. They are perfectly trained and qualified and educated. Our newspapers love to focus on scandals and the occasional bad seed which is inherent in EVERY group of human beings. However, these people of the San Francisco Police Department are the SOLDIERS OF THE MODERN WAR AGAINST CRIMINALS and they are doing quite a job so give them a little appreciation. THEY ARE GREAT!

It's Penance Baby! The Mel Gibson Rap Song

[Mel Gibson left his wife Robyn of twenty eight years for a Russian "Who-ore" who is due to have his baby but can't wait to come out with her crappy Russian pop music album in the meantime on which was FOUND this secret rap song by Mel on Side B if you pour Vodka on the CD and play it on a black market Russian DVD player...]

Yo Yo Yo
LISTEN UP!
This is Mel, Catholic Mel
Used to preach about goin' to hell
Now I've left my old lady
And hooked up with someone shady
Who, get this, will have my baby
Yah my baby number EIGHT
***************
You're saying "Whoa, Octo-Mel, Let me see if I got this straight?"
Weren't you the one building churches, making Jesus movies, preaching morals?
I'm beginning to think that what I see is just an
"H" "Y" "P" "O" "C" "R" "I" "T" "E"
Wait a minute...BREAK IT DOWN
*****************
OK you got me there it's true
My D.U.I. is nothing new
I called that officer "Sugar Tits,"
The dirt you throw, IT REALLY STICKS
But let me offer you some small clue
For what I will be going through
You can ALL see the cliff I'm heading to
It's called -- Do I have to spell it out for you?
PENANCE*PENANCE*
GOOD OLD FASHIONED CATHOLIC PENANCE!*
[Enter scantily clad dancing girls representing the seven deadly sins.]
***********
I found somebody ten times more ambitious than me
With one EIGHTH the talent oh baby can't you see?
My sins to first wife Robin will truly pale
To what I got coming from this pop star Russian tail!
And when the ash has finally cleared
then for once
I will finally be ---
PURIFIED MEL so contrite and pure you will see
oh wait and see
You will have such PITY on me...!
Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!
[Dancing girls carry Insane Mel off exit stage RIGHT...]

Dreamin' is Free at Liverpool Lil's!

So I was hanging out with one of my goof ball friends last night at "Liverpool Lil's" located right next to the former military base known as the Presidio and established in 1973. I like to pretend it is the exact same place that inspired James Blunt's melodic "1973" song and video seen here on Youtube even though that is unlikely since Jame's Blunt isn't from around here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAq0AbxhawI

***

So anyway we were enjoying the mysteriously delicious "White Chocolate Martinis" and wondering how they got all that chocolate flavor in something so clear and cool when my friend suddenly experienced a lightening bolt of a movie title idea.
"Vicki!" he said leaning forward conspiratorially. "I just got a great idea for a movie!" He looked around as if all the booze hounds were secret spies waiting to snatch the idea out of the air from us like bayou lizards waiting for flies.
"Victor!" I groaned, "This isn't like your idea that the Egyptian pyramids are secretly reversing time and ...?"
"Ha ha ha! Hey! That was a great idea. No...no..this is a movie title. Are you ready?"
"No." I said honestly and took another sip of the mystical drink. "Ahh. Now I'm ready. Houston, we have a solution!" I announced snappily to the Black Irish boozer to my left.
"Shhhh!!" Victor cried out, annoyed that I might inadvertently enlarge the social circle of his impending revelation. "I'm serious! Spielberg's idea factory is only a hop skip and a jump from this bar!...Are you ready?" "YES!"
" . . . Monster Island!"
I almost choked on the maraschino cherry so thoughtfully included with each and every Chocolate Martini served. "Are you kidding? That is what my SFGate Disher friend has as his "location" on his profile! Victor looked very upset. He wanted to accuse me or T_Shane or both of stealing the idea but he had the foresight to realize that would be ridiculous.
"It is a joke Victor..don't you get it? Monsters can't live on islands..they are too big!"
"No!" Victor shouted. "Haven't you watched the old original 'Land of the Lost' shows? They all take place in a very small area!"
I didn't argue with Victor. I congratulated him on his wonderful idea. Lot's of potential indeed. BARTENDER!!!